Your baby IS like my dog

I'm tired of people getting offended when I compare their babies to my dog. It's not that bad, he's lovable and quirky, and I absolutely adore him. I don't have any children of my own (no thanks to Ramiro) so the closest I have is my beloved dog Ringo. That's right, he's a boy, so I'm not secretly calling your baby a bitch (although Ringo is a son of a bitch)

who wouldn't give this dog a bone?

Hot Celebrity Accessory
Many many years ago (2006 0r s0), a small dog was a fashion staple of the rich elite. It was best adorned with ugg boots, a mini skirt, a $300 wife beater, and mammoth sunglasses. I was going to post a picture, but the myriad of pictures i faced after googling "celebrity dog" would overwhelm a wee blog. However, in my past two seconds of research, I discovered that it is more common among the blond celebrities, I thought that was worth pondering. The name brand designers were making purses to accommodate these accessories. No, I don't mean Chewy Vutton or Pucci, but Coach, Chanel etc.

In recent years celebrities have been spawning left and right. The foreign baby has always been a huge hit with celebrities, but they needed a favorite, enter (or in 9 months exit) the offspring with their current lover. Not just for ladies, but men too, there's no better beard¹ than a baby, just ask Tom Cruise. And how best to accent this bundle of joy? An empire waisted maxi-dress hiding the fat left after giving birth, and bringing attention to your milk filled bust, a baby sling across one shoulder and a Juicy Couture diaper bag across the other. The other kids can follow closely restrained by those strange child leashes.

Go Outside?
This morning, much like any other Thursday morning (I started writing this blog Thursday evening, it's still Thursday to me) I was awoken at 7am to Ringos loud opposition to the workers outside building roofs, blowing leaves, being loud, I'm too cranky at the time to care. He barks in agonizing pain and scratches at the door. Despite the searing heat he always wants to go outside.

This evening while I was babysitting Jonah he began banging on the sliding door emitting shrieks of woe. He too wanted outside. So we went outside and played fetch.

Fetch!

I admit, this isn't Ringo's forte, if you throw something he just gets distracted, or he won't bring it back. he doesn't really have favorite toys, just Joey (our cat).
Jonah is excellent at fetch, he brings me a ball, I throw it, he doesn't catch it, so he walks over and gets it and throws it back to me. One time he even brought me my shoes, he's obviously better trained.


Actively Lazy

Last night I walked in on Jonah drinking apple juice out of a sippie cup². Even though he could he wouldn't grab hold of it, he just suckled. He's very cunning like that. He also needed me to put him in his swing and push him. If he feels like for a second I'm not paying attention he will express discontentment.
Whether he forgot how to jump on the bed, or he believes he can catch a squirrel Ringo needs help getting what he wants. When Ringo's not getting pet he will let out an adorable growl. That's one thing Ringo has going for him, he's cute when he's affectionate. Babies aren't as affectionate as they are worried you'll leave them. When Jonah's dad set him down he promptly began crying and holding on to his leg.

Fetch!

I admit, this isn't Ringo's forte, if you throw something he just gets distracted, or he won't bring it back. he doesn't really have favorite toys, just Joey (our cat).
Jonah is excellent at fetch, he brings me a ball, I throw it, he doesn't catch it, so he walks over and gets it and throws it back to me. One time he even brought me my shoes, he's obviously better trained.

Whether you have a baby or a dog, you should feel free to dress them in clothes they hate and shove their pictures in everyone's face. But please, don't be shocked and appalled when I compare the two.


1)Beard is a gay slang term describing a person who is used, knowingly or unknowingly, as a date, romantic partner, or spouse specifically to conceal one's sexual orientation. With increasing acceptance of LGBT culture, references to beards are seen in mainstream television and movies as well as other entertainment. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beard_%28companion%29)

2)sippie cup-

The Last Airbender

Although I haven't seen the first, today I saw The Last Airbender. It has only confirmed my prior hypothesis, M. Night Shyamalan's movies are made just to make The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable look good. I haven't seen The Happening, but Lady in the Water instilled this belief in me. I'm sorry but I could not take it seriously after seeing this character, which reminded me of an image I saw somewhere deep inside the internet of the consequences of masturbating too much.

I was worried that a succesful franchise like Avatar: The Last Airbender would provide enough sustenance for a decent film. Fortunately, Shyamalan's ego overshined this lovely franchise. (what a twist!) Shyamalan wrote, directed and produced this feature, and I believe he even starred in it. He portrayed the bad guys in the Fire empire. I don't think it's racist to say that. I don't think he was anyone in Slumdog Millionare or Loins of Punjab,(neither of which are directed by Shyamalan) which both had a mostly Indian cast, but I do believe he was all the bad guys in The Last Airbender. and I don't mean the prince or his uncle, just mainly the Commander and the Fire King. I can't find good pictures to back it up, but just see the film and confirm for yourself.

Enough personal attacks on Shyamalan, it's time to look at the origin of the Airbender. Apparently they believe in reincarnation, and I believe I found the Avatar in his previous life during the last Millennium. He went by the name of Captain Planet.



Avatar and Captain Planet are the same series in different generations, possibly even in parallel universes. The Planeteers who posses powers over the elements come from Africa, Soviet Russia, Southeast Asia, the Amazon rainforests, and the good ol' U.S of A. they, like Aang's buddies from different tribes in different climates, fight battles and when they are about to be defeated BAM Captain Planet saves the day with his multi-elemental powers, yes, just like the avatar.
Then there's the villian, which is primarily the fire benders, These mirror the eco-villians. the fire benders only cause destruction and havoc wherever they bend. Whereas water, air, and earth benders' environment is unaffected after each exertion. Also fire causes smoke, like smog, and is a sign of primitive and less efficient forms of energy. This of course, is the main cause of pollution, which Captain Planet is known for taking "down to zero"

So, this Halloween when people are dressed up like monks, eskimos, and sherpas and doing yoga, just say "GO PLANET"